Domino Effect

We are all aware of the fact that although divorce could mean an end of a brutal relationship for a husband and wife, it causes a lot of psychological and emotional and even physical ramifications to the former couple’s child or children. They say that when children go through a hurtful experience in their young years, they are scarred for life. So more than the complications of legal battles and physical wounds divorce brings, let us look at its effects that could trickle down to many generations, multiplying the pain of a bitter past.

Studies show that there really is a big impact on children when their parents get divorced. True enough, we do not want our future generations to be emotionally shaped from bitter pasts and broken relationships but then again, it seems to be inevitable today because of divorce’s ready availability to people in most parts of the world. Unfortunately, when this situation occurs in a family, children being the parents’ number one priority take a back seat as they focus and dwell on the wrong things that have happened in their marriage.

Wayne Parker, a consultant and trainer cites why and how children are heavily impacted by divorce.

· Fear of change. Once marriage is legally void, nothing will ever be the same again. There is no more turning back to a complete family. It will not just be the absence of a mother or a father but daily routines that happen in a child’s life. More than their immediate family relationships, divorce could also be at the expenditure of losing extended family ties. Growing up, children follow certain routines from the usual bed they sleep on to the time they wake up. We all know that they are far less accustomed to accepting change.

· Fear of being abandoned. Divorce means having to lose the natural attachment with their parents and once they experience this, they could interpret it as, “one day, the people, places and things they are attached to will eventually vanish away.” Resulting to fear of being too close to people, at the expense of not having many friendly relationships.

· Coping with parental tension. Divorces mean a lot of years of anger, hatred, bitterness and tension between the husband and wife that could trickle down to their children. And parents who try to turn their children against the other spouse create an absolutely destructible situation for that child.

· Cathy Meyer, a divorce coach, marriage education and legal investigator said children of divorce are more aggressive towards people, especially their parents. They experience depression and become more cynical because of the things they have gone through. This is because a child’s happiness is not dependent on their parents’ happiness but stems from their used-to routine, having a home with two parents and friendships.

In conclusion, Cathy Meyer advised, “it is the aftermath of divorce, not the process of divorce that does our children the most harm. Don’t buy into the belief that once the process is over all will find a happy ending. Focus not only on the process but on what needs to be done after the process to help the children and adults move forward with as little emotional harm as possible.”

Before even dipping your feet into the water, take a step back and assess not only what you and your spouse can get out of voiding your marriage—if the divorce bill in the Philippines get legalized, may it be good or bad—but also its aftermath to your children and extended family.

Sources:

http://fatherhood.about.com/od/relationshipswithkids/a/Why-Children-Are-Impacted-By-Divorce.htm

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childrenanddivorce/p/childrenmyths.htm