Thursday, June 30, 2011

It's All Out

I have made my stand on divorce. I thought deciding if I was pro- or anti-divorce would take a lot more thought than I have already done while typing divorce blog posts here. But it just came to me the way I decided on other things, which was when I was taking a steaming hot shower one night.

I am anti-divorce. It was more of a light bulb moment. I thought, when I get married and have my own family, would I want an option for my husband and I to divorce? No. No. No. Not at all! Because no matter how hard and dreading a situation my family and I would come across, we will work at it, strengthen our relationship and fight it. Cheesy as it sounds but, try and try until you succeed. Marriage is an institution of God that should not be broken—like what the Bible says; do not let man destroy what God created. Moreover, do not void marriage with someone you were created to be with. I also thought as a child, would I want my parents to have the option of divorce in the future? No, again. Of course it is inevitable that marriages are imperfect, people discover flaws in each other through time that they might not be able to bare and live with for the rest of their life, and eventually have to separate. Separation merely means people being apart from each other physically. Since separation is unavoidable, I accept it—some people may have really been trying hard at their marriage for a decade but cannot seem to make it work anymore. But divorce is another story; it is a legal dissolution of marriage. Sure, through paper the divorce may be null and void but it is at the same time bound by the faith, church and specially God as witness. Again, mankind should not destroy what He has created. So the element of marriage may still be there, and if divorced couples remarry other people they would be committing another sin—adultery. So there, it is all out now. But I promise that my succeeding posts will remain nonbiased despite being anti-divorce. And I do not have anything against those who support divorce. In this debate, respect towards one’s opinions should be valued. All of us come from different walks of life, some of you might have experienced being in a troubled family and think that divorce would be the best solution to ease the situation, while some, like me wants to think of things with optimism and positivity—that I would never, and do not ever want to go through such a situation. So I will do my best as a daughter to keep my family in its peaceful and blissful state right now and in the future, work hard everyday at building a strong, God-centered marriage.

Would you want to look at the future seeing the possibility of an unhappy, unworkable marriage? And have the option to divorce? Or look at the future trying each and everyday—for the sake of yourself, your spouse and your children—to have an unbroken family?

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Wait, What?

While I was reading the latest tweets on my Twitter feed, I couldn’t help but notice ABS-CBN’s tweet headlined ‘Marriage going out of fashion in Philippines’. So I just had to click the link and check out what it had to say.

Oftentimes, we read and hear arguments that Filipinos value the institution of marriage too much to allow divorce. It has become a tradition to get married after a long-term relationship. The headline came as a shock to me because it was so contradictory! The government census office said that marriage is losing its luster in the Philippines, with several couples starting families out of wedlock. The latest population census shows that more than 36 percent of the 1.78 million babies born in Asia were conceived from unmarried mothers. Nene Baligad, a member of the National Statistics Office or NSO said that marriage has now just become an option for Filipinos, not a requirement or tradition before starting families. I find this fact appalling in a way that such a decision could mean the loss of a child’s right to legitimacy. I do not mean to demean couples that accidentally have a baby and choose not to get married yet, of course marriage should be carefully thought about first especially if the couple is young, and not just for the sake of the baby. But there are couples that decide to live-in, create a family and completely ignore the element of marriage. I do not understand why people must choose and live such a lifestyle—get married only after having four or five children said Baligad. A more saddening statement she released was, “you can’t really say it’s for practical reasons, since you can be married on the cheap. It’s more like, we Filipinos tend to follow what is in fashion.” Fashion? I love fashion and I think Filipinas are doing a good job keeping track of the latest in fashion, clothing fashion that is. Must Filipinos always have to follow the Westerns? Since when did marriage even have “trends”? It is no wonder then that some Filipinos are in support of divorce in order to “keep up with the world.” Not only is the census showing that couples are defying the moral and religious standards by conceiving babies out of wedlock, but also shunning church weddings as marriages solemnized by the church or government officials have fallen 0.7 percent.

Are saving money for a wedding to buy your child’s milk, or keeping up with the world’s trends really good excuses to escape marriage? I beg to differ. I think nothing is more beautiful than having a relationship, sharing the rest of your life with someone that is honored and blessed by God, the church and the government. To some, it may just be a paper, a formality, and marriage is more of a state of mind. But then again only the ceremony of marriage can legitimize that thought, no matter how happy and long your family has been established without marriage.

Hell of a Trap

I think the earliest memory I had of learning about separation in marriage was when I watched the Parent Trap. It was a movie produced in 1998 so I was about 6 years old at that time. In 1998, I probably did not think that the situation presented in the movie was somewhat destructive. Instead I found it entertaining that it was possible to do some camera tricks and make Lindsay Lohan appear to have a twin. Oh, and she was cute back then! I still watch it until now—I’m already half way done with my 18th year—and it is definitely one of those movies you don’t get sick of. Although I have watched it several times, I always forget how it ends. I think that is because the movie is not so much about the ending, after all, we do know that the twins’ parents would eventually get back together to make a happy ending. You’ll love the movie because of what goes on the ‘middle’. But yesterday, when I watched the movie again, I took on a different perspective. I decided that it was one of those movies that I could write about and relate to the theme of this blog.

The movie begins with two girls, Hallie and Annie, who are sent to a summer camp whose paths eventually cross. They practically looked like identical twins—which they really were—and discovered that the parent they were living with; Hallie with her dad in California and Annie with her mom in London, were actually married once. In conclusion, they were twin sisters. They decided to switch places and get to know the parent they were separated from for 11 years of their life. Since eventually they would have to be exchanged again, it would mean their parents had to meet again after swearing never to do so. But there was a little bump on the road when their father gets engaged but thankfully, it does not work out with Cruella de Vil. Hallie and Elizabeth journey back to London thinking their family will remain broken but they are astonished when they arrive home seeing Annie and Nick. The parents get married and they live happily ever after.

When I was a child, all I thought about was how amusing Hallie and Annie’s “friendship handshake” was to the point that I tried learning it, that their mother was a wedding gown designer and the British accent was just amusing to hear. It was called The Parent Trap because the twins trapped their parents in a situation that would try to reunite their family. But last night I thought, the 11 years of ignorance and separation could also dub the movie “The Children Trap.” Upon further reflection, I thought what a selfish trap their parents put them in. They could have never met and never thought they had a sibling, and see their parents in the flesh. Their parents separated and vowed not to see each other ever again just so that they could get out of each other’s hair. Separation and divorce may be about the couple at first, but when children are involved, the situation can definitely trap and scar them. Lucky for the twins, their once-reckless parents who took things too fast got married again in the end. But more often than not, a lot of children in sticky separated families do not get the happy ending they want.

Everyday, we make decisions in life that could change our lives forever. And marriage is one of those because marriage is a commitment to share the remaining entirety of your life with someone and eventually conceive children. And when you bring out life to this world, it is the couple’s responsibility to protect them from any emotional and physical harm. But what if you fell in love in a month? Got married 3 months after your 1st date? Conceived a baby way before your marriage? Decided to separate because it just does not work anymore? Have you not already made a major decision that could turn around a child’s supposedly good life?

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Foreign Complications

When you ask people – Filipinos – like what politicians and celebrities have to say about divorce, there is usually a common idea stemming from the pro side and the con side. Those who are anti-divorce usually say passing the law will destroy the institution of marriage and it is immoral as said in the Bible. While on the other hand, the pro-divorce say passing the law is a chance, a choice that should be available for Filipinos suffering in distraught marriages.

I stumbled upon an article from the Philippine Daily Inquirer, one of the more credible newspapers in the country, that said passing the divorce bill can most especially benefit Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs). It is not foreign to us that millions of Filipinos are scattered across the world working for themselves and their families that they have either established in the foreign country, or live in the Philippines. The article told stories of complications Filipino immigrants experience with their married life because of the absence of the option of divorce in the country. And in most cases, although they were granted divorce in those foreign countries, at the end of the day – if they are still Filipino citizens – the Family Code binds them and divorce is not recognized.

The Real Widow
Clemente is a Filipino World War II veteran who married Marieta. After living together for one year, Marieta and Clemente separated. Both parties then found new partners and began living with their new partners without the benefit of marriage. For more than 50 years, Clemente lived with his partner Diana and they had three children who are now adults. After suffering from cancer, Clemente passed away last year. As a war veteran, he was receiving compensation benefits from the Veteran’s Administration.
When Diana applied for compensation benefit as the widow of a veteran, she was denied the benefit as she was not the legal wife. Marieta, on the other hand, also filed for the benefit and will most likely be granted the widow’s benefit instead of Diana. If divorce were legal in the Philippines at the time Clemente was alive, the pension would have gone to Diana who actually lived with Clemente for several decades and who took care of him during all these years.

Threat of Bigamy
Sylvia, a US citizen, married Mario and petitioned him for an immigrant visa. Prior to their marriage, Mario was actually married to Jane who lives in Manila. Since the Philippines does not recognize divorce, Mario filed for dissolution of their marriage in Las Vegas. A divorce decree was obtained in Las Vegas declaring the marriage of Mario and Jane dissolved for all legal purposes.
Mario’s second marriage to Sylvia, however, did not work well and he decided to return to the Philippines for good. Now that he is back in the Philippines, Jane is threatening to file a bigamous marriage case against Mario. Under Philippine law, Mario was still considered married to Jane at the time he married Sylvia. The dissolution of marriage that Mario obtained in Las Vegas is not valid in the Philippines as both parties were Filipino citizens at the time the divorce was obtained.

Victim of Abuse
Purificacion was married to David for five years. After just a few months of marriage, David turned violent. He was verbally abusive and beat Purificacion regularly. Purificacion tried to stay in the marital union because of strong pressure from other family members. Finally, she was able leave David and migrate to the US. Purificacion, as a victim of domestic violence, filed for divorce in California where it was granted. She is now living separately from her abusive husband.

US Divorces
Marriage issues are common in immigration cases. In these cases, prior divorce by the party being petitioned is crucial to a valid petition by US citizens.
Luckily for some who have the financial ability to travel abroad, divorce can be obtained in countries where it is recognized. However, those with no financial capacity are compelled to live with their broken marriages. When the right opportunity comes, and a US citizen (or any other foreigner) wishes to marry a Filipino who is already separated from his or her spouse, no such possibility is provided as there is no divorce in the Philippines and subsequent remarriages are not valid.

With approximately four million Filipinos in America, the divorce rate among Filipino families is not at all high. We still bring with us the culture and values of Filipino families, despite the availability of divorce as an option.
However, a nation that cares for its citizenry must not just protect the family as an institution but also the individuals who comprise that family. Providing options to legalize divorce does not automatically mean a mushrooming of divorced families—it should be perceived more as a regulated way of protecting individual rights and upholding values of fairness when cases arise that will warrant a termination of marital relationship.

Monday, June 27, 2011

What The Stars Say

If government officials did not exist, the next bunch of prominent people Filipinos would probably listen to be the local celebrities. After all, it is obvious that the Filipino masses are always ‘all up in their grill’. So here are some celebrities who have made the most out their limelight status to voice out their opinion on divorce here in the Philippines.

In an interview on a late-night gossip show, actress Ruffa Gutierrez said that she was definitely for the proposed measured, however it should still be based on strict grounds. Her opinion was so because she herself went through a very rough marriage. She further said that the divorce bill should have very strict sanctions—it shouldn’t be a couple’s resort just for the reason that they do not want the marriage anymore. “But I think if a partner is continuously cheating, there’s domestic violence involved, criminal activities, drugs, alcoholism,” Ruffa said these reasons could be valid for a divorce so that, “you can have a chance to be happy again.”

Another well-known Philippine TV figure and stand-up comedian, Vice Ganda, voiced his support for the divorce bill to be passed in the Philippines. He said that if annulment is already allowed in the nation, why not divorce? Ganda thought there is no reason that divorce won’t work in the Philippines if it has in other countries that allow that law.

ABS-CBN’s talk show hosts Biance Gonzales and Boy Abunda also expressed that they are pro-divorce. The latter said, “ako mayroon akong kapamilya who had an annulment, at mahirap, matagal, nahirapan talaga sila na makuha iyon. Dahil doon, naniniwala ako sa diborsyo.” Just like Ruffa Guiterrez, Gonzales agreed that divorce should only be allowed under certain circumstances. Boy Abunda added to the conversation, “it’s good that the whole country is talking. We’re engaging each other in this national conversation para marating po natin kung ano ang tama para sa atin. Ako I am for divorce.”

Of course there are also Filipino celebrities who are anti-divorce and this is what they have to say.

Pokwang, a famous comedienne and noontime show host loved by the masses for her elaborate attires and entertaining humor said she thinks she is not in favor or divorce. “Pero nasa pag-uusap naman na ng mag-asawa iyan eh. Pag-usapan niyo ang tama na dapat gawin para hindi maapektuhan ang bata. Mas maganda talaga ‘yong kayo ang nag-aayos.”

Divorce will only take away the sanctity of marriage says another anti-divorce actress Candy Pangilinan. Even if she herself is separated, she does not agree with divorce. she believes that if now that there is no divorce, there are already so many separated couples, so many are thinking less of the sanctity of marriage, so what more if there is divorce.

Meanwhile, KC Concepcion currently does not know where to stand but she believes that biblically, it’s better when couples work out at their marriage.

I am not a fan of hers but that is one opinion I can definitely relate to. While I type this blog, I still do not know where to stand. Maybe my beliefs are too broad or vague to make exclusive to one side of the divorce argument in the Philippines. But yes, I do agree with Concepcion. I think marriages are a matter of “try and try until you succeed.” I am not married yet but I do know that marriage is something you have to work on every day, for the rest – forever – of your relationship.

Source:

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/entertainment/06/22/11/celebs-weigh-divorce-debate

Sunday, June 26, 2011

What Happened?

In the Philippines, those from the Gabriela party list authored the divorce bill, an organization empowering women and their rights so it is safe to say that the bill was authored for women’s protection against violence from abusive marriages. But clearly, there are more reasons than assault and battery that call for the divorce. Many research studies cite their own version of the top reasons for divorce so here are some them based from observations on countries that offer that choice.

A study conducted by Creighton University Center for Marriage and Family suggested that time, sex and money pose the three biggest obstacles to the satisfaction of newly married couples. It found that debt, balance of job and family and frequency of sexual relations were of greatest concern to those ages 29 and under.

Meanwhile in Korea, the divorce rate increased commonly due to infidelity, with a shocking 70% of couples divorced because of that reason, along with physical and mental abuse, and personality conflicts. Many Koreans believed that the rising rate reflects the decline of their traditional values, along with the impact of western lifestyle and pressures of modern urban life.

Infidelity is most certainly a rampant cause of divorce couples have difficulty getting over because adultery does create permanent damage to a relationship—it definitely breaks the trust of the harmed spouse and we all know trust is an important element to build a relationship. Engaging in sexual activities with someone who is not your spouse is a serious problem. It can be argued that infidelity could be the symptom of a much bigger problem in the marriage. It could lead to resentment, emotion issues, and even health concern such as sexually transmitted infections.

Another research states lack of communication as one of the causes of divorce, which leads to not discussing each other’s feelings, mutual and personal issues that eventually lead to resentment. Divorce often happens because people rarely discuss their expectations prior to the marriage, are less willing to work on their marriage afterwards and resolve to quick fixes rather than resolve issues and try harder at the relationship. How appalling is it that people have divorced because of trivial reasons like snoring!

Commitment issues could also be a cause for divorce. In today’s modern age, some engaged couples are ill prepared for the inevitable ups and downs that come with married life. Their focus is on the day of the wedding and not on the forthcoming days after the ‘big day’. Couples today do not value “for better or for worse, until death do us part” as much.

Money makes the world go round. As much as we would like to say that life is not all about money, we do feel handicapped when we lack finances to support our needs and luxuries. Being financially stable in this time of recession is definitely a challenge especially to married couples with children. And even spouses’ attitudes toward money could also lead to divorce.

Sources:

http://www.divorcereform.org/cau.html

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/common-causes-and-reasons-for-divorce.html

http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Causes_of_Divorce

Voices Part II

If there is one political figure whose opinion you simply can’t just pass and ignore, that would be the witty and frank Senator Miriam Defensor- Santiago. She recently renewed her wedding vows with husband Narciso Santiago, a former Interior Undersecretary, on their 40th anniversary. She was even quoted as to calling herself a “veteran wife”. The senator renewed her vows at one of Philippines’ biggest churches, officiated by Manila Archbishop Gaudencio Cardinal Rosales.

Although she says she is a very committed Catholic, the senator voiced out her strong support for the Reproductive Health Bill and Divorce Bill—after all, she authored the former. And even if that is so, she believes she does not see her faith and advocacies clashing. The senator expressed her opinion on the divorce during her wedding reception at the Manila Hotel, stating, “I’m just trying to exercise my freedom of conscience. I’m not fighting for myself or for any political agenda. I’m fighting for the oppressed Filipino poor woman.”

Did I hear a sigh of relief? I think her opinion was sort of a breath of fresh air because it did not show any signs of hypocrisy. She reiterated that she is a faithful Catholic, even studying theology, but stands for her advocacy in protecting oppressed Filipinas from abusive, even homicidal marriages. She went on to say, “I think that divorce should be available to people who become homicidal at the sight of each other.” That’s Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s humor for you! But I must say I’m impressed to witness an elder like her in politics who is liberated and has an open mind, while still staying true to her faith.

Even if the intelligent politician supports the divorce bill, she obviously does not have any plans of taking that route. She even shared the secret to her lasting relationship. “We never see each other in my house. That’s the secret. Sometimes, I’m surprised that I’m married to someone so good-looking because I hardly ever see him. …We have autonomy, we have space.” Well that surprised me because I don’t think I’m definitely someone who could resist not seeing my future husband, and at home? Shouldn’t they be sleeping in the same room? Maybe it’s something that goes with age yeah? Because even my grandparents did not acquaint much at home. The senator further shared, “I’ve always been very attached to the concept that marriage is an inviolable social institution as our Civil Code provides.”

So what’s her final word on divorce? Here it goes, “That is so much better than making each other miserable for the rest of their lives and impacting the lives of their children as well. …I am in favor of a divorce bill provided that grounds for divorce are very strict so that we will not encourage young people to rush into marriage and then rush out by divorce.” One thing I realized as I read her quote—how unfortunate is it that divorce or no divorce, it effects to children suffering.


Sources:


http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/06/20/11/miriam-backs-divorce-bill-renews-vows
http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/insights/06/20/11/miriam-love-marriage-and-divorce


Monday, June 20, 2011

Endings Come To Good Things Part II

They say good things come to an end, but don't they also say that every cloud has a silver lining? To some divorce may be all about the trials and tribulations the couple and their children are going through but they also fail to recognize it as a solution. So here are another set of stories from divorcees who looked beyond the thunderstorm and created better beginnings after a failed chapter in their lives.

Story #4 From Lies to New Love "My first husband and I were married in a beautiful Catholic ceremony. About a year later, I came home from a meeting and my husband was at the kitchen table working on his laptop. He was in good spirits and indicated he was planning to go out to watch football with a group of friends from work. I thought nothing of it... At 2 a.m. the phone rang. It was my husband, telling me he had been arrested... He was charged with four felonies, including importuning and soliciting a minor for sex! He convinced me it was a misunderstanding. I endured the humiliation of his arrest being on television and the radio. I came to understand that our entire marriage had been a charade. Everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. I eventually told him I wanted a divorce. I later learned that he had been cheating on me the entire time. I was so depressed... Finally, I woke up one day and discovered that I actually had it pretty good. I picked myself up and put away the wine glasses. I went to Europe for the first time. I bought my own house -- painted and decorated it myself. I decided to start dating again. I met a man on Match.com -- he proposed 16 months later. We have one son and another child on the way. I am truly convinced that everything happens for a reason." –Maureen

Story #5 Stronger than Ever "I have been divorced for exactly a year now. I am finally in a great place! I haven't been this happy nor healthy (mentally and physically) in years. I was married for 20 years and began to grow in ways that my ex just couldn't understand. I went through a very difficult divorce -- my ex was very controlling and mentally abusive. I was scared to death to leave, but I began to get stronger. I have turned my story into a business called AndeLifeCoach.com, where I coach other people to find their 'authentic' true selves. I have never looked or felt better." –Andrea

Story #6 Friends for the Kids "My ex-husband and I have an excellent working relationship. We share custody -- one week on, one week off -- and have agreed that we will always give each other the opportunity to have more time with the kids if we need childcare. We both agreed that it wasn't about us. It was about the kids, first and foremost. We are told by many divorced friends that we are fortunate to be good friends now, and should be the example of what divorced parents should be." –Natalie

Source:

http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/813855/6-divorce-success-stories-1

Endings Come To Good Things Part I

Amidst all of the debate on divorce, what we mostly hear is negativity. Especially negative experiences and stories that root from disastrous relationships going through divorce. Amidst the catastrophe, the positive and optimistic part of the story is frequently obscured so the internet being most accessible to find sources, I quickly accessed it to look for success stories of divorce. We don’t know what the ratio is with divorce success stories versus non-successes but it’s safe to say, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Here are 6 divorce success stories I gathered and quoted from SheKnows.com.

Story #1 Better As Colleagues "I am a very successful divorcee. I married the love of my life, and after 12 years of a great partnership, we changed and realized we loved each other so much that we had to let each other go. Since we divorced, we have worked together professionally and love it! My 'was-band' found an amazing woman and we are both happier, healthier and love that we are still in each other's lives. You know the old saying, 'When you love someone, set them free?' Well, in our case, we came back to each other professionally and have a very deep love for each other. Friends called our divorce the 'divorce of the decade.'" –Lorrie

Story #2 Change is Good I got married at 20 and was completely insecure. I thought I needed a man to complete me, but I was comatose, walking through marriage without feeling alive. I was terrified my life was over but more terrified that if I left, no other man would want me. My husband wasn't bad to me -- I just got married too young and didn't even know what love was. My turning point was when some of my students dared me to rap. It led me to try, and stimulated me to see there was life beyond an unsatisfying job. My husband hated me being out so much. I was no longer the constant wife-y type, coming home from school to cook and clean and plan social dates with friends. Eventually, I decided that I needed to live instead of passing time. When I finally left I danced out and didn't take a dime in alimony. My freedom was worth everything and all I needed. I'm still good friends with my ex. It was very amicable. He was a good person, but couldn't handle me changing." –Daylle

Story #3 Lemons into (Mentoring) Lemonade "I was very inspired by my divorce. I have turned my lemons into lemonade. I am the founder of the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children, a 24/7 resource center that supports single-again women. When I divorced 14 years ago, I was searching for tools to help move my life forward, and to be the best role model for my children. That's when I became certified in the coaching field. I'm also a certified behavior consultant. I have been working with family law attorneys for years and have developed a program called "Single Again! Now What?", a 12-week program mentoring other divorcees. My joy is when I see a mom believe in herself again." –Joanie

Want to hear more success stories of divorcees to lighten your heart and lift up your spirits? Watch out for part 2!

Source:

http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/813855/6-divorce-success-stories-1

Voices

We all know what God, the Philippine government and church, and research have to say about divorce. So here’s what a few people have to say about divorce.

Seasoned and prominent director Joey Reyes opened to the public what he had to say about divorce—and he openly declared his support for the bill. In an interview with Push.com.ph, Director Reyes said he is pro-divorce, “mainly because I believe that Filipinos should be given a chance to mature.” In addition, he believes that when divorce is legalized, Filipinos will be responsible enough not to blemish it and still value marriage. He voiced out that, “I think ang bata na sobrang pinoprotektahan ay lalaking inutil. At and kaisipan ng Pilipino ay malapit na sa pagiging inutil dahil sa dami ng hipokrisiya at mga nagmamaganda o nagmamalinis sa ating lipunan.” He acknowledged that some marriages are inevitably imperfect and chaotic so it would be better for them to be apart. Reyes also recognizes that people are imperfect and it is only natural that people make mistakes so they should be given a chance to be happy again.

On the issue of Philippines being the only country without a divorce law, Reyes said that he does not believe that just because it is the only country without divorce, Philippines should follow the trend. “Ang punto e magtiwala naman kayo na may utak ang Pilipino. Magtiwala naman kayo na ang Pilipino mature enough to make decisions for themselves.”

Reyes concludes that it is not an argument that the Philippines is just following the footsteps of other countries hence the divorce bill debate—it is more of empowering every Filipinos’ right to choose what they think is best for them.

Another notable public figure added his voice to those who are anti-divorce, Senator Francis “Chiz” Escudero, in an interview in Bacolod. He said, “para sa akin, importante gawing mas accessible at gawing mas affordable ang annulment,” as he is against the provisions on divorce, “sa ngayon, mayayaman lang ang nagpapa-annul dito sa Pilipinas. Ang mahihirap, naghihiwalay na lamang at nagli-live-in pagkatapos pero may batas naman tayo kaugnay ng annulment.”

Furthermore, Escudero did not fail to mention he was not in favor of the grounds proposed in the divorce bill and added that it should clarify who the guilty spouse is and disallow that person to remarry. “Ang problema sa divorce, pwedeng mag-asawa pareho. So yung dating nanggugulpi, iba naman gugulpihin. Yung dating lasenggo, iba naman yung kasama niya habang lasing siya. Yung dating adik iba naman ang kasama niya habang adik siya.”

Indeed, the divorce bill is becoming a hotter issue day by the day and it's definitely not getting any better. Just like the Reproductive Health Bill, it has sparked numerous debates among citizens, the media and public figures. But I hope one, if not both, of those bills will be cleared up—either passed or ignored—soon because we know for a fact, there are much more pressing issues that politicians should fix, and corruption and poverty are no strangers to that arena.

Sources:

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/entertainment/06/15/11/director-joey-reyes-supports-divorce-bill

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/06/13/11/escudero-divorce-law-should-identify-guilty-spouse

Sunday, June 19, 2011

What Does He Have To Say? Part II

On the first part of my 2-part blog post on “What Does He Have To Say?” I introduced to you the background of how my opinions are in between the divorce drama. It is so because as much as I would like to acknowledge what my faith says rightly about divorce, I cannot ignore my attitude of weighing and balancing the other side of the story. (Yes, I am a Libra haha!) Although divorce is something that God abhors, the discrepancy of having a condition that is it only lawful when fornication is committed puzzles me. More so, I acknowledge that some marriages are impossible to mend already and that divorce is a solution that could free them of the misery the failed relationship has caused.

Since I am here to battle with myself on what stand to take and at the same time, weigh a side that opposes the divorce bill (whose opinions are heavily based on morality and religion), here’s an in-depth discussion of Jesus’ 4 points on divorce. As a review, Jesus taught that first, God created one man for one woman. Second, marriage is a strong bond. Third, it makes the two one flesh. And fourth, marriage is a work of God.

God created one man for one woman. (Matthew 19:4) God created Adam and Eve. That was it. He did not create another woman for Adam or another man for Even. He did not create for them, which obviously is applicable to all of us, spares, options or alternative. Just because it could be that people may encounter “options” through the course of their lives, it still does not change God’s intention. Thus divorce was and is not an option.

Marriage is a strong bond. Matthew 19:5 says, “and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wide, and the two shall become one flesh.” The word “joined” means to have a bond that cannot be broken. He created one man for one woman to have an indissoluble union—no spare, no divorce.

Marriage makes the two one flesh. “So then they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined, let not man separate” says Matthew 19:6. The verse is very straightforward in its intent, which sensibly states that you can never divide what is one.

Marriage is a work of God. Matthew 19:6 simply tells us that what God puts together, just like any of his creations, do not divorce. Especially marriage, which is an institution ordained by God.

So many opinions, including seeking for what God has to say, definitely shakes everyone’s thoughts on divorce—I know for a fact, it shakes mine. The exceptional clause of fornication definitely gave my blurry stand on divorce a run for its money but by the end of David B. Curtis’s preaching, it became clearer now what God’s real take on divorce is and here’s what he had to say, “Adultery or fornication committed after a contract, being detected before marriage, giveth just occasion to the innocent party to dissolve that contract (Matthew 1:18-20). In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce (Matthew 5:31, 32) and after the divorce, to marry another, as if the offending part were dead (Matthew 19:9, Roman 7:2,3). This is divorce with biblical grounds.

Isn’t it so amazing that no matter how many centuries ago the Bible was written, its teachings could still be applied to this modern time no matter what the situation calls for? The Bible couldn’t be anymore specific on what it has to say on divorce. So what do you have to say?

Reference: http://www.bereanbiblechurch.org/transcripts/topical/bible_and_divorce.htm

Saturday, June 18, 2011

What Does He Have To Say? Part I

Up to this day I am still so torn between supporting and opposing the divorce bill in the Philippines. As you can see, I have been trying my best to type posts that weigh both sides of the issue objectively because I am confused and do not want to paint all of my compositions with bias.

If you would like to know, I am a born again Christian. I know I am not worthy to be called a pure person because I have my own share of transgressions just like any other person—may they be Roman Catholic, part of Iglesia ni Cristo, Muslim, Hindu, you name it. As a Christian, I first sought the Bible for answers on the issue of divorce unlike others who run to the internet or base their opinions on the credibility and opinions of personalities for or against it. So here’s my story on how I was enlightened on God’s views on divorce. I do not mean to be preachy, I would just like to share where my opinions and fuzzy stand on divorce come from.

It is not unfamiliar to Filipinos that the divorce bill has not just become a political issue but a religious one too. Divorce affects everyone in the society thus it is looked through the lens of different aspects. But this story looks through my aspect—one of a born again Christian.

I first checked what the Bible had to say about divorce because I believe that we, imperfect humans inevitably change—in attitudes, opinions, beliefs etc. but what God has to say has never changed since his preachings were inscribed through scriptures 1000 years ago.

I was enlightened by the pastoral message of David B. Curtis. He taught that the New Testament law of divorce is strict. Jesus restricted divorce to one cause only—fornication. But still, he did bind men and women who were unhappily married. So ask why he still allowed they continue living a life of misery? Because they covenanted before God to love each other until death, not until happiness. Curtis adds that the mayhem of divorce on a religious aspect has been due to discrepancies in standards. Some people have lowered its standard while others have raised it more than God’s intent. “In order to stop the problem, let’s take the Bible’s standard and raise it” is just as wrong as the lax view because it is not what God precisely states. Therefore, it is important to seek what the Bible says if you would like to oppose it in a religious aspect.

Malachi 2:16 says, “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce.” God detests divorce and has He changed his mind on this over the years? “For I am the LORD, I do not change; Therefore you are not consumed, O sons of Jacob.” (Malachi 3:6) In Palestine, the Pharisees wanted to destroy Jesus and divorce was a flaming issue—whether it was lawful to divorce out of any reason or lawful to divorce only because of fornication. But he went along and preached what was right.

Jesus taught that first, God created one man for one woman. Second, marriage is a strong bond. Third, it makes the two one flesh. And fourth, marriage is a work of God.

So there goes one of my puzzling thoughts—divorce is lawful only for those who committed fornication, but God completely detests it. Watch out for Part II!

Reference: http://www.bereanbiblechurch.org/transcripts/topical/bible_and_divorce.htm

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Learn from Uncle Sam

The United States of America is one of the more prominent countries that legally have divorce and whose society accepts it. But at the same time, since it allows divorce, it is also prominent in being one of the leading countries with couples filing divorce. Maybe, instead of the Philippines thinking that having a divorce bill means moving on to greener pastures and “the 21st century”, we should learn from the mistakes and repercussions divorce has cause in their societies, more so their families.

Every year, over 1 million American children suffer from the divorce of their parents. What’s saddening is half of the those children born in 2000 expected that their parents would file for divorce before they turned 18 years old. Moreover, the Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that 40 or 50% of marriages end in divorce. This means that 1 out of 2 couples are likely to get divorced. This rate has come as a shock to America and has caused concern in political, social and religious circles in the country. Further statistics show that the divorce rate in America for the first marriage is 41%, the divorce rate for the second marriage is 60% while the divorce rate for third marriage is 73%. Clearly, the results show that divorce has caused a “trial and error” trend in Americans as divorce has become a way for them to try out a marriage, and if it does not work out, they can simply file for divorce and try their luck with another person again.

The Discovery Channel states that couples with children have a slightly—note, slightly—lower rate of divorce than childless couples as absence of children is one of the reasons for the failure of marriage. But why exactly has Uncle Sam’s several couples—a whooping 50%--resorted to divorce? Marriage101.org says that the answer lies in American belief, “freedom is one of the most important beliefs for America and nothing can replace it besides love. When they marry, they do not run for long love. If they think the love and family cannot offer their happiness and safety, they would choose to divorce.” Americans will not value family and/or children more than themselves because obviously, they are very individualistic. “That means they love freedom not stability. Their dreams are running for their own blessedness.”

So maybe, divorce is not for the Philippines because we think a great deal and have so much value for culture, tradition, religion and most especially—family and children.

Divorce has evidently torn up then fundamental unit of the American family, the American society. More and more Americans have broken homes, a single parent or even no parent, causing psychological, health and emotional problems, developing rebellious attitudes, performing poorly in academics—all because of America’s permit to divorce. We think that the United States is still a rich country, but until now it is still suffering from one of the worst recessions any other country has faced over history, thus 50% of the parents with children who are going through divorce move into poverty after the divorce.

And then again, maybe the Philippines should be better off without divorce because it is already an impoverish nation with millions of Filipinos suffering from no sufficient everyday provisions even if they are intact families.

More than thinking of the advantages and benefits divorce could have on couples like a sound mind and peacefulness from all the abuse and arguments, the consequences should be foreseen. Filipinos look up so much to the Americans but more than that, we should also learn from their mistakes—not make the same mistakes.

Sources:

http://www.aboutdivorce.org/us_divorce_rates.html

http://marriage101.org/divorce-rates-in-america/

http://www.heritage.org/Research/Reports/2000/06/The-Effects-of-Divorce-on-America

Monday, June 13, 2011

The Nitty-Gritty

So what exactly are the contents of the proposed divorce bill for the Philippines? What are the contents that make one half of Filipinos support it, and the other half oppose it? Do Filipinos even know the nitty-gritty of the bill the Gabriela Women’s Party is proposing? Because from what I have observed, many Filipinos take sides based on just what they see on the surface—just like elections campaigns a.k.a. popularity contests. Which candidate has the more heart-wrenching story? Which candidate has the more popular and good-looking celebrity supporters?

So Filipinos, before you even advocate or disapprove of the bill, take the time to know what exactly the contents are. Thanks to the Internet, the bill is accessible in its entirety at Gabriela Women’s Party’s website.

Representatives Liza Largoza-Maza and Luzviminda C. Ilagan first passed House Bill No. 3461 on January 30, 2008. Since I do not want to rely heavily on the contents of the bill itself, I was able to gather five distinctions of the divorce bill that sets itself apart from the current Family Code of the Philippines containing laws on legal separation and annulment. Rep. Luzviminda Ilagana discussed that the grounds for the proporse divorce bill are as follows:

  1. If the couple has been geographically separated for five years without possible form of contact
  2. If the couple has been legally separated for two years
  3. If there is apparent cause such as abandonment, abuse, infidelity, etc.
  4. Psychological incapacity of one or both parties
  5. Irreconcilable differences of the married couple
Although House Bill. No. 3461 is a draft law on divorce, part of its contents are grounds for legal separation as some aspects of the latter are applied to divorce, while some grounds are repealed to make way for new provisions in particular situations.

Unknown to many are the provisions of the divorce bill, but something far more unacknowledged is the fact that this is not the first time Philippines is encountering this issue. In fact, the nation was allowed legal divorce in the time of the American colonization and Japanese occupation.

Facts say that the late Vice President Arturo Tolentino was granted divorce during the Japanese Occupation on the 15th of September, 1943. He was legally granted divorce on the grounds of desertion and abandonment by his wife for at least 3 continuous years. Consequently, divorce was removed from Philippine law in 1950 when the Civil Code was implemented. Yet today, Filipinos in failed marriages are still given a choice of annulment or legal separation that could somehow improve and alleviate familial and financial issues.

At this time of pressure to take sides, (unless you are ignorant and apathetic to these social issues), it pays to educate oneself on hard facts rather than the news which clearly already has its own interpretations, biases and opinions. Take a look at the divorce bill downloadable here, and see for yourself. Are you for or against the divorce bill?

Sources:


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Divorce, Annulment and Legal Separation Part II

How was that for some digestive reading? Of course, justifying divorce, annulment and legal separation would be useless without arguments from law. So here’s part II of hopefully the last post on unexciting, yet informative grounds that shed light on the differences of annulment, divorce and legal separation.

Annulment constitutes being given the opportunity to remarry. However, in legal separation, the couple is still considered married to each other, and so cannot remarry. Atty. Pamaos states these are the grounds for legal separation:

  1. Repeated physical violence or grossly abusive conduct directed against the petitioner, a common child, or a child of the petitioner.
  2. Physical violence or moral pressure to compel the petitioner to change religious or political affiliation.
  3. Attempt of respondent to corrupt or induce the petitioner, a common child, or a child of the petitioner, to engage in prostitution, or connivance in such corruption or inducement.
  4. Final judgment sentencing the respondent to imprisonment of more than six years, even if pardoned.
  5. Drug addiction or habitual alcoholism of the respondent.
  6. Lesbianism or homosexuality of the respondent.
  7. Contracting by the respondent of a subsequent bigamous marriage, whether in the Philippines or abroad.
  8. Sexual infidelity or perversion.
  9. Attempt by the respondent against the life of the petitioner.
  10. Abandonment of petitioner by respondent without justifiable cause for more than one year.

The term “child” shall include a child by nature or by adoption.

Philippine Law does declare nullity of marriage like divorce but they do not share common grounds. Here’s why:

  1. Minority. Those married during their minority even with parental consent.
  2. Lack of authority of solemnizing officer. Those who don’t have legal authorization to perform marriages.
  3. Absence of marriage license (except in certain cases).
  4. Bigamous or polygamous marriages (except when the other spouse is declared as presumptively dead).
  5. Mistake in identity.
  6. Failure to record with the appropriate registry property distribution and children’s legitimacy after nullity of first marriage.
  7. Incestuous marriages.
  8. Void by reason of public policy.
  9. Psychological incapacity.

I was able to gather some more information on the differences of divorce, annulment and legal separation although it is not in the Philippine context as cohesive sources for it are limited. To sum it all up, Atty. Frederick William Schwinn from California states the differentiations:

Divorce. It is the dissolution and an end to marriage. After divorce, the spouses are considered singly and can marry again. After divorce, parties could ask for child, spousal or partner support, custody and visitation, restraining orders against domestic violence, division of property etc.

Annulment. It is when the court declares a marriage not legally valid like incestuous or bigamous relationships. Instances of force, fraud, physical or mental incapacity, minority age during marriage could nullify marriage. These cases are judged through hearings.

Legal Separation. It does not end a marriage thus remarriage or entering another partnership are prohibited. It is for couples that don’t wish to divorce but would like to live apart and decide on money, property and parenting issues. Some couples may prefer this to divorce due to religious faith. Orders mentioned in divorced could be asked for too.

Sources:

http://attyatwork.com/annulment-divorce-legal-separation-in-philippines-questions-answers/

http://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/ugc/whats-the-difference-between-a-divorce-a-legal-separation-and-an-annulment

Divorce, Annulment & Legal Separation Part I

As I was thinking of what to type for my blog post on divorce today, my thoughts suddenly stood at a crossroads. It asked, “What is the difference between annulment and divorce anyway?” Since Philippines already states the former as part of its laws, what is the use of the latter then? So when I got home, I immediately researched what the dissimilarities of annulment and divorce are in the Philippines. Unexpectedly, another one came up to toggle the picture even more—legal separation. It was only when I stumbled upon a law blog of a Filipino, Atty. Fred Pamaos that I got a cleared picture of what those three terms meant.

Atty. Pamaos is a cum laude graduate from the University of the Philippines with degrees in Bachelor of Political Science and Bachelor of Laws. He formerly practiced at the Picazo Buyco Tan Fider and Santos Law Offices, and Castillo Laman Tan Panteleon and San Jose Law Offices. Currently, he is a Supervising Lawyer at UP’s College of Law Office of Legal Aid.

He started off his question-and-answer format article on “Annulment, Divorce and Legal Separation in the Philippines” with, “divorce is not allowed in the Philippines,” which holds true until if the Congress decides to pass the bill. Filipinos are covered by the “nationality principle” so wherever they get married, like America for instance that allows divorce, they are prohibited from such a law. Philippine Law governs Filipinos wherever they may be.

Although Philippines currently does not allow divorce (which we already know as declaring marriage legally null due to irreparable grounds), it allows annulment and legal separation on certain grounds. Annulment is different from “declaration of nullity” as the former applies to a marriage that is still considered valid, while the grounds for nullity apply “to marriages that are invalid from the very beginning. In other words, it was never valid in the first place.”

To sift it some more and clear up the confusing picture, here are the grounds for annulment of marriage:

  1. Lack of parental consent in certain cases. If a party beyond minority married without the consent of the parents/guardian.
  2. Insanity. A marriage may be annulled if, at the time of marriage, a spouse was of disordered mind.
  3. Fraud. The consent of either spouse was gotten through fraud.
  4. Forece, intimidation or undue influence.
  5. Impotence. During marriage, either spouse was physically incapable of consummating the marriage with the other and appears to be incurable. Note, impotence is different from infertility.
  6. Sexually transmitted infection that is found to be serious and incurable.
I am not one to bore my readers with the constitutes of law because even it bores me so a Part II will be in order.

Sources:

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Silver Lining

When I browsed to internet to look for advantages and/or benefits of divorce, it came as no surprise that there was a shortage of informative and encouraging sources. But for the sake of leveling the field and balancing out the disadvantages of divorce I discussed in a previous blog post, here are the ones I was able to extract.

True enough, getting a divorce or legally voiding marriage is not really the end of the world. More so, it could even mean the start of something better and brighter for one or both of the spouses after a horrible relationship of abuse, arguments and battling it out in court. Divorce is usually associated with sorrow, pain, brokenness, dissonance and so many more negative feelings that could deeply afflict the former spouses as well as their children. But those who go through with the traumatic sufferings of divorce tend to forget that divorce is a remedial measure for the unhappiness and grief that marriage has brought for them.

Therefore, looking only at the depressing effects divorce has on those it involves, it also pays to look at the brighter side of things. After all, wasn’t divorce supposed to be the “solution” to a “problem”? And solutions are almost always supposed to be positive. The benefits of divorce include:

It gives life a new beginning. Of course, divorce is usually the last resort a couple would go to if their marriage is not the most ideal and happy relationship. But sometimes, it is simply unfeasible for relationships to work even if there have been several instances trying to revive and rekindle it—even erase the horrible past and start from scratch. Therefore, divorce could mean a chance at starting afresh, and with a clean slate. It means letting go and moving on. After all, we were not given this life to mope on our problems but to live it.

Freedom is one of the best benefits. Marriage is a partnership and when one spouse tries to control the other, it is unhealthy and takes its toll psychologically and emotionally to the other spouse. But luckily, divorce could mean breaking away and having a newfound freedom. They no longer have to account for anyone but himself or herself which personally, I think is very liberating since I am never one to allow anyone to control me to a great extent. A great weight is lifted and life will eventually present many new opportunities.

New relationships. Many a time, people who have just gotten out of a horrible marriage become pessimistic and think that there is no one else for them and become too vulnerable to allow anyone else into their life. But people are very adaptive beings and soon enough, they learn to let their guard down and this could mean another shot at committing to someone who can give you genuine, unconditional love.

Personal growth. New beginnings and freedom in life is the passageway to individual growth. It gives you the power to take over and listen to what your feelings are, discover who you were meant to be and developing your capabilities. Unbalanced marriages tend to stop this individual growth but divorce gives you another chance at it.

Sources:

http://benefitof.net/benefits-of-divorce/

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2822476/the_benefits_of_getting_a_divorce_pg2.html?cat=41

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

What's Happening Part II

Clearly, the Catholic church is not going down without a fight in the issue of whether the divorce bill in the Philippines should be passed or not. Recently, reports state that prominent figures from the Catholic church have expressed very strong opinions opposing the divorce bill, supporting it with disadvantages and stating the inconsistency of the government that is causing confusion among Filipinos.

A CBCPNews report said that Butuan Bishop Juan de Dios Pueblos said that the bill will lead to more immorality in the Philippine society. This meant that giving an easy passage to divorce could lead to more complacency of Filipinos that when their relationships fail, they could try over and over again.

Another Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz said May 31 that the divorce is bill is “anti-Filipino.” He expressed through rhetorical questions how the divorce bill could alleviate broken marriages if it meant one or both spouses could marry multiple times, and how many more homes could be broken in the process, how many children will be forsaken. Archbishop Cruz stressed that children are strongly affected when their parents divorce.

More leverage of the mentioned opposing statements were supported by Father Melvin Castro when he said that the divorce bill could mean that people will be given the wrongful right to search for a perfect spouse by jumping from one marriage to another. “If the marriage falls short of that image, they will separate,” Castro said.

Today, the CBCP are against the divorce bill being reviewed in Congress more than ever. People now are wondering how come we are the only nation left without the law of divorce; some see it as a way of stepping up the nation’s game and be removed from it’s “third world” state. But the priests begged to differ, and I side by them in this opinion strongly. The Philippines is the only nation left without a divorce bill as Malta moves forward to respond to what the people want—why not take this fact as an advantage? “Kung sasabihin sa akin ‘kayo na lang ang natitira, Pilipinas, na walang divorce,’ Salamat sa Diyos! (If I were told, ‘Philippines is the only one left without divorce’) That is a distinction! I’m very proud of that!” he said. Divorce is not a way to get ahead of other countries or step to great country development; it is a wrong passage to positively reforming the Philippines.

Aside from opposing the divorce bill, the priests thought that it was part of the government’s tactics to confuse the public and deflect focus on more important issues that are not being solved immediately. Well, it did show from the very beginning that the President, Ninoy Aquino lacked precise direction and focus. Maybe it is because of his lack of experience? After all, he is more focused on building the future of his marital life. Kidding aside, the priests pointed out the lack of focus from PNoy’s opinions on the matter. Archibishop Cruz said that he was “having a harder time trying to trust the national leadership. It is a leadership that has no direction, it’s going around, round and round.” This could be the fact that PNoy himself did not have a clear stand on divorce, as if he was beating around the bush.

Sources:

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/06/06/11/priests-say-divorce-leads-immorality

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/-depth/05/30/11/cruz-says-divorce-bill-anti-filipino

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/-depth/06/03/11/prelate-fumes-pnoy-over-divorce-rh-bills

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/-depth/06/03/11/divorce-ph-pros-and-cons

Domino Effect

We are all aware of the fact that although divorce could mean an end of a brutal relationship for a husband and wife, it causes a lot of psychological and emotional and even physical ramifications to the former couple’s child or children. They say that when children go through a hurtful experience in their young years, they are scarred for life. So more than the complications of legal battles and physical wounds divorce brings, let us look at its effects that could trickle down to many generations, multiplying the pain of a bitter past.

Studies show that there really is a big impact on children when their parents get divorced. True enough, we do not want our future generations to be emotionally shaped from bitter pasts and broken relationships but then again, it seems to be inevitable today because of divorce’s ready availability to people in most parts of the world. Unfortunately, when this situation occurs in a family, children being the parents’ number one priority take a back seat as they focus and dwell on the wrong things that have happened in their marriage.

Wayne Parker, a consultant and trainer cites why and how children are heavily impacted by divorce.

· Fear of change. Once marriage is legally void, nothing will ever be the same again. There is no more turning back to a complete family. It will not just be the absence of a mother or a father but daily routines that happen in a child’s life. More than their immediate family relationships, divorce could also be at the expenditure of losing extended family ties. Growing up, children follow certain routines from the usual bed they sleep on to the time they wake up. We all know that they are far less accustomed to accepting change.

· Fear of being abandoned. Divorce means having to lose the natural attachment with their parents and once they experience this, they could interpret it as, “one day, the people, places and things they are attached to will eventually vanish away.” Resulting to fear of being too close to people, at the expense of not having many friendly relationships.

· Coping with parental tension. Divorces mean a lot of years of anger, hatred, bitterness and tension between the husband and wife that could trickle down to their children. And parents who try to turn their children against the other spouse create an absolutely destructible situation for that child.

· Cathy Meyer, a divorce coach, marriage education and legal investigator said children of divorce are more aggressive towards people, especially their parents. They experience depression and become more cynical because of the things they have gone through. This is because a child’s happiness is not dependent on their parents’ happiness but stems from their used-to routine, having a home with two parents and friendships.

In conclusion, Cathy Meyer advised, “it is the aftermath of divorce, not the process of divorce that does our children the most harm. Don’t buy into the belief that once the process is over all will find a happy ending. Focus not only on the process but on what needs to be done after the process to help the children and adults move forward with as little emotional harm as possible.”

Before even dipping your feet into the water, take a step back and assess not only what you and your spouse can get out of voiding your marriage—if the divorce bill in the Philippines get legalized, may it be good or bad—but also its aftermath to your children and extended family.

Sources:

http://fatherhood.about.com/od/relationshipswithkids/a/Why-Children-Are-Impacted-By-Divorce.htm

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childrenanddivorce/p/childrenmyths.htm

Thursday, June 2, 2011

What's Happening

Malta—a nation that is majorly populated by Roman Catholics—announced that they are legalizing divorce. One Deborah Schembri said, “With or without divorce, marriages are breaking down, children are born out of wedlock and couples are cohabiting.”

Likewise, the Philippines once again opened its floor at the Revision of Codes to reassess the divorce bill passed by the Gabriela Women’s Party-list. It seems that Representative Luz Ilagan has the same justification as Schembri as to why the divorce bill should be passed, “I appeal to my colleagues in Congress to… give Filipino couples in irreparable and unhappy marriages this option.”

And indeed, the Filipinos have spoken. At least, that is what the Social Weather Stations (SWS) say. They conducted face-to-face interviews of 1,200 adults all over the nation about their stand on divorce last March 4-7, 2011. The results show that 50% of Filipinos agree while 33% disagree with allowing separated and irreconcilable couples divorce.

But is it not that 1,200 respondents are a far cry from the millions of Filipino voices and opinions waiting to be acknowledged? But more than the background of the survey, President Ninoy Aquino’s statement on the divorce bill surprised me. I think this is another strike at how he proved people right that he is a lazy leader. I gathered from an ABS-CBN news report online that he said divorce is not his priority at this time. But shouldn’t “everything” be the president’s priority? After all, “everything” and the welfare of his citizens—the Filipinos are at his hands? But let us not let my cynical attitude towards the president run all over the place. After all, he did redeem himself by saying he does not want to rush the process of the divorce bill just like those Las Vegas weddings where you can wed in the morning and get divorced that same afternoon. Let’s hope then that he does not resort to a Las Vegas wedding if his number one goal to get married before his term ends isn’t fulfilled.

Based on news reports, although 50% of Filipinos are in favor of divorce, it is still those who are against it—besides the Catholic church—that are making the headlines. Many politicians besides PNoy are still skeptical that divorce will be legalized in the Philippines. But it seems that these judgments made by politicians like Ilocos Norte’s Rodolfo FariƱas are more based on personal relationships than an opinion that represents his people, “palagay ko ito di lulusot sa floor dahil magagalit misis at mga mister kasi sasabihin may intensyon ka diyan.”

Well, I think it is good that there are balanced forces on the decision-making of the divorce bill. The longer I am immersed in articles, quotes, reports and books about divorce, the more I am confused at what my stand is. But for now, this is the current progress happening to the divorce bill being revised in the Philippines. The Philippines is a nation strongly guided and influenced by Roman Catholicism and The Vatican, so I think it is already inevitable that when it comes to rules and regulations that involve Christian morality, the church will always step in.

Sources:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20110602/lf_afp/lifestylephilippinesmarriagereligiondivorce

http://www.manilastandardtoday.com/insideOpinion.htm?f=2011/june/2/jennyortuoste.isx&d=2011/june/2

http://www.maltatoday.com.mt/news/national/divorce-will-regulate-those-without-rights-iva-chairperson

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/06/02/11/divorce-bill-not-priority-%E2%80%93-pnoy

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/06/01/11/divorce-bill-likely-be-challenged-sc

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/06/01/11/50-pinoys-back-divorce-sws

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Weigh In

Just like the Reproductive Health bill, the sudden reopening of talks about the divorce bill at the Congress has divided the Filipinos once again. And we all know that the Catholic church has been the most solid representation of opposition to the bill.

The Philippines is a nation heavily bounded by religion that is Roman Catholicism, but then again since it is also democratic, some people choose to base their stands on issues more liberally and practically, rather than morally.

Before I reveal to you my personal opinions on divorce and the possible passing of its bill in the Philippines, I decided to be a channel of what some of the Filipino youth have to say about it. After all, they are the future citizens to whom the divorce bill could cater to if passed. And while the divorce bill is being reassessed, I think it is important to value every Filipino’s opinion, whatever stand they may take.

Friends no younger than 18 years old whom I personally talked to and personally messaged through social networking sites voiced the following statements out. To maintain confidentiality, their names will be in the form of initials.

“I think divorce is a sign that you really did not prepare/forsee clearly your life with your partner in the future, and that's why it lead to a divorce. Or you did not give enough time to think through your lives together and rushed into things right away. So when misunderstandings arise, they don’t know how to resolve it and it results to divorce. Divorce may be inevitable, but it can be because of stupidity.” MC

“For me, I don't believe in divorce because why would you marry a person then realize that you don't really love them. Yeah, maybe you're compatible with one another but love really takes time to develop. Divorce is a bad especially if you're a confused person and break a lot of hearts.” CM

“I’m anti-divorce because why get married to someone who you knew was forever and now turned to whatever? I mean being married to someone is a state of situation of love and nourish. Partners in crime. And another thought would be annulment is present so its pretty much the same.” JB

“I think it's okay! People have the right to divorce. Tayo nalang kaya naiwan! And, may right ang individual magdecide for themselves. Not religion, or anything na over sakanila.” MM

I'm okay with divorce. )We have to accept that not all marriages are perfect.” —DR

Well since my parents are divorced I can say that I'm fine with the idea. I mean if the parents really can't solve their problems and everything is just getting worse I don't see why they shouldn't get a divorce. I'd rather have my parents split up than having them fight all the time.” —LE

I disagree with divorce because first and foremost we are a Catholic Community, thereby submitting ourselves to divorce would change our perspective of the sacredness of marriage. Soon to be couples would be open to the idea that divorce is legal, and so would rather have it by unpredictable circumstances. Look at other countries; do they still call themselves sacred, by seeing the fact that they broke their commitments and promises just because of selfishness, misunderstandings? Look how they view marriage, it seems that it is already part of their tradition. My answer is no, what will happen to our future generations if broken families will continue to occur? There will be no "happy families" anymore who will live according to God's plan and will.” —ME

“I'm against it because the legalization of divorce would only destruct the Filipinos' value for family.” —SP

What God put together, let man not separate!—KP

“I like the idea that it gives married couples an opportunity to separate if they think that their relationship isn't helping them become better people but I don't like that it demeans the true meaning of marriage and with divorce as an option the sanctity of marriage is compromised.”

Tama na 'yang kaartehan at wag maniwala sa simbahan. I-legalize ang divorce dahil kailangan ito ng bansa.” —LO

Clearly, there is a great divide among Filipinos regarding the divorce bill. Some think that it is detrimental to how Filipinos value family generally and religiously. Others see it as a solution to bringing peace to unsettled, broken relationships while some think that it is a step forward to innovation—as if not having a divorce bill sets us back in the race. So what are your thoughts, what is your stand, to something that has already torn the unity of a nation?