Sin #1

The most common reason why couples get a divorce is because of adultery. Many statistics attest to this fact that couples separate because of their husband or wife engaged in an extramarital affair. Simply, adultery is also known as cheating, infidelity and the act of being sexually and/or emotionally unfaithful in marriage. It is not something that happens “out of the blue” because the spouse is attracted physically to another person to whom he/she is not married. Adultery instead is the culmination of a long trail of unresolved issues. While affairs are very destructive to a relationship, it is a symptom of something much deeper, something negative that has been going on for long and is left buried in the ground. Some marriages take this as a sign to permanently end the relationship while some have great willpower to see there is still hope for a restored marriage after an affair. That is usually done through counseling.

Can a marriage really survive an affair even though the betrayal of adultery cuts a deeper wound, scars and does something more than breaking a vow? Especially if it is recurring, the spouse cheated on cannot let go of the memory anymore and fear that is will happen again, so they opt to escape the marriage. But simply “throwing in the towel” and walking away should be a decision made for the right reasons. If couples want to work at their marriage after an affair, both should make personal changes of their way of thinking and being. There is hope and life after adultery, and a potential to have a marriage that is even stronger than before the deed was done. The adulterous spouse must come to a place of genuine repentance and humility while the spouse cheated on must learn to let go of being a victim, because after all he/she could also be the reasons for the deeper-rooted problems that led to the affair, forgive the cheater and never use it as a tool for leverage in a future argument. Once it is let go and forgiven, it should never be used as a weapon because it will only jeopardize the marriage some more. It takes a lot of time because people tend to think irrationally and become very rash with their decisions. Healing does not instantly happen so timing is everything.

Moving past an affair is no easy task, but if both you and your partner are dedicated to working through the underlying issues through a competent counselor, the marriage has great hope for the future. Many marriages can overcome this highest form of betrayal and be even stronger than before, however, it requires a commitment from both spouses. The unfortunate truth, however, is that not all marriages will survive. Sometimes the cheater may leave altogether, or the betrayed spouse may terminate the marriage. Yet whether the betrayer or the betrayed, even if you decide to leave the marriage, you still need to deal with your own emotional scars so you don’t find yourself in a similar relationship. Values-Based counseling provides essential tools in the healing process. While adultery may be a life-altering experience, it doesn't have to define you or your future choices.

Source: http://www.theravive.com/services/adultery-help.htm