Divorce Stories: Life Changes! ✿

It was really heartwarming to come across websites of organizations that actually help children from divorced families through counseling and different problems. One of these organizations is the Kids First Center, supporting families of separation and divorce. Their mission is to prevent emotional trauma children experience during separation and divorce, prevent greater problems for families by helping them negotiate transition in a healthy way.

In many blog posts of mine I have mentioned that children are most affected by the divorce of their parents so it struck me to finally read a story from a child who went through the ordeal, from the kids corner of Kids First Center website. What we usually read online are the perspectives of couples in divorce, rarely do we read articles about what children have to say about it. So here is a story written by an 8-year old girl from Maine named Olivia. She worked with a counselor to help her get through the most difficult situations of her parents’ divorce and writing has become an avenue to express her feelings and thoughts.

• • •

Life Changes!
By Olivia

Hello. My name is Olivia. I am 8 years old and I live in Maine. I am in the 3rd grade. My parents were separated from each other when I was 6 years old. This caused a lot of changes in my life that I had to get used to. Right now I live with my Mother but I see my Dad all the time too.
I decided to write this book for a few reasons. First, I wanted to help other kids deal with changes in their lives by sharing some of my ideas about the experiences in my life. Second, by writing this book, I can understand my own life changes a little better. Third, I would like to help other kids learn that there are ways to deal with changes that could happen in their lives, too.

1. Separation and Divorce
Before my Mom and Dad got separated, I didn't know they were even talking about it. I was surprised when they told me. I thought when they were talking with each other, and they looked real serious, they were talking about normal stuff. When I found out about the separation, they told me together. I'm glad they did it that way.
On my Dad's last day at home, which I'll never forget, I felt very, very, very sad. I remember everything about it. My Dad felt sad too. He had to move to a different town and live with my Nana. After one year he moved closer to me and now lives in an apartment in the next town from me. The ride to his house is only about 10 minutes away from where I live with my Mom.
After they were separated for a while and lived apart they decided to officially get divorced. That means that they went to court and a judge signed a paper. This was a big Life Change!

2. Giving Things Up
After my Mom and Dad got separated, my Mom and I moved into a new house where we couldn't have a dog unless we owned the house. We rented our new home so we had to find a new place for our dog. Her name is Chloe. I felt upset, sad and sort of mad that Chloe couldn't live with us anymore. She now lives in a different town in a house with our friends and their children. We still get to visit Chloe once in awhile (she officially still belongs to us), so that makes it easier. I didn't want to give my dog away but we couldn't live in our new place if we didn't. I miss her but I'm getting used to it now, and I found out that I can be okay without Chloe. Sometimes you have to give something up when Life Changes!

3. Some Things Change, Some Things Don't
After my Mom and Dad got separated and divorced my Dad moved, my Mom and I moved, we gave up our dog, and I missed my Dad. These are all things that changed in my life. But there were lots of things that did not change. My Dad is still my Dad. My Mom is still my Mom. My Nana is still my Nana. My Gram is still my Gram. I still get to go to my same school. (Sometimes other kids have to move to a new town and start at a different school.) Even though I live in a new neighborhood I still have the same friends at my school. I still do things with my Mom and with my Dad. But now sometimes we have to do them separately. Something that my parents have done to help me is that they have really had to keep talking to each other and have tried to get along. Sometimes not everything in Life Changes!

4. Taking Care of Myself
When Changes happened in my family it took awhile to get used to them. It was hard at first to understand what was going on and what would happen next. For example, sometimes I missed my Dad a lot after he moved and I felt lonely without him. Things just weren't the same after he left. It took awhile to get used to this change. I began to be more afraid of things, like the dark, and sleeping on my own, and I wondered if I would be able to keep seeing my Dad. Talking with other people to understand what was happening was helpful. People that I talked with included my Social Worker, and my parents. Some other people who are there for me if I need them are my grandmother, my grandfather, aunt, or my step-grandfather. It's important to talk about things that we are afraid of or confused about because we need to get answers and help. Questions are okay. Don't feel shy or worried about asking questions and trying to find answers.
I learned that it is important to take care of yourself when your parents get divorced, and I learned that they have to take care of themselves. Kids can't take care of their parents, they can only take care of themselves. Parents have to make their own decisions about separation and divorce, it's not up to the kids. Parents get divorced because of their own reasons, not because of their kids. Parents keep growing up too. Sometimes we get afraid of things in our lives when it feels different in our family, and it's important to talk to other people when Life Changes!

5. New Relationships
After a divorce your parents may go on dates with a person that they have met somewhere. Sometimes parents will develop new relationships with new people, and you may be able to bond with that person too.
You may feel worried and confused about who will take care of you and what is going on. You may be angry at your parent because you may not know how to share your parent since it has been just you and your Mom or you and your Dad with undivided attention for each other. Or you may feel happy just to see your parent happy. You could feel all kinds of these feelings. But that is normal too, just remember Life Changes.

6. Three Years Later
As you all know, my name is Olivia, but I am now 9 and I will turn 10 in November. I am in third grade and I still go to the same school. I am still living with my parents divorced. Three years later I am used to it. I see my Dad almost every day. I now know how to deal with my feelings and I feel comfortable sharing them with others. Soon you will feel that too.
My Mom just went to Virginia on a business trip for four days. I am staying with my Dad and tonight, May 1st, I'm going to the airport with my aunt to pick up Mom. I can't wait.
My parents worked out a way to make sure I get equal attention from them both and that I would always be with an adult that could take care of me the way they do.
Sometimes parents with children get divorced, but they can work together to make sure you are well-taken care of.

A Note to Parents
Dear Parents,
As you can see, I worked through my parent's divorce because it was amicable. The most important thing they did to help me was they kept up their talking and their friendship. I still get the same attention that I got when my Mom and Dad were married.
I really had to get used to this change, in some ways it took apart my life. In three years I was able to sew my life back together. This is how your child can feel too if you as parents keep talking to each other and to your kids. Make sure that your children know why you got divorced, because they may think it's their fault like I did.

Sincerely,
Olivia

• • •

And yes, I just had to put a flower alongside the title because Olivia's story touched me and I think it is the most special one out of everything else that I have posted on here.

Source: http://www.kidsfirstcenter.org/childsstory.html

Sin #1

The most common reason why couples get a divorce is because of adultery. Many statistics attest to this fact that couples separate because of their husband or wife engaged in an extramarital affair. Simply, adultery is also known as cheating, infidelity and the act of being sexually and/or emotionally unfaithful in marriage. It is not something that happens “out of the blue” because the spouse is attracted physically to another person to whom he/she is not married. Adultery instead is the culmination of a long trail of unresolved issues. While affairs are very destructive to a relationship, it is a symptom of something much deeper, something negative that has been going on for long and is left buried in the ground. Some marriages take this as a sign to permanently end the relationship while some have great willpower to see there is still hope for a restored marriage after an affair. That is usually done through counseling.

Can a marriage really survive an affair even though the betrayal of adultery cuts a deeper wound, scars and does something more than breaking a vow? Especially if it is recurring, the spouse cheated on cannot let go of the memory anymore and fear that is will happen again, so they opt to escape the marriage. But simply “throwing in the towel” and walking away should be a decision made for the right reasons. If couples want to work at their marriage after an affair, both should make personal changes of their way of thinking and being. There is hope and life after adultery, and a potential to have a marriage that is even stronger than before the deed was done. The adulterous spouse must come to a place of genuine repentance and humility while the spouse cheated on must learn to let go of being a victim, because after all he/she could also be the reasons for the deeper-rooted problems that led to the affair, forgive the cheater and never use it as a tool for leverage in a future argument. Once it is let go and forgiven, it should never be used as a weapon because it will only jeopardize the marriage some more. It takes a lot of time because people tend to think irrationally and become very rash with their decisions. Healing does not instantly happen so timing is everything.

Moving past an affair is no easy task, but if both you and your partner are dedicated to working through the underlying issues through a competent counselor, the marriage has great hope for the future. Many marriages can overcome this highest form of betrayal and be even stronger than before, however, it requires a commitment from both spouses. The unfortunate truth, however, is that not all marriages will survive. Sometimes the cheater may leave altogether, or the betrayed spouse may terminate the marriage. Yet whether the betrayer or the betrayed, even if you decide to leave the marriage, you still need to deal with your own emotional scars so you don’t find yourself in a similar relationship. Values-Based counseling provides essential tools in the healing process. While adultery may be a life-altering experience, it doesn't have to define you or your future choices.

Source: http://www.theravive.com/services/adultery-help.htm

Prevention Is Better Than Cure

What is better than proposing a cure to a social illness? It is being proactive and preventing that social illness. But that might be too late for separated couples already because the damage has been done. So this blog post is for every single man and woman out there aspiring to be married in the future, and prevent becoming one those couples that add to increasing statistics of separated, annulled or divorced couples. Here are tips that I gathered, or ingredients rather that could help strengthen and make marriage happy and last, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer.

Many a time, marriages start to deteriorate because one or both spouses change and they cannot accept it. One tip is to change yourself. People also have the belief that they can change the person they marry into become their “perfect” mate. But instead, you have to accept that your spouse is who he or she is. Instead of turning around his/her personality, learn to adapt to it and provide support and encouragement for changes you want to see.

Communication, as with every kind of relationship, is the key ingredient to a successful marriage. And that most certainly does not mean bottling up your feelings and keeping a grudge against your spouse that could one day burst out and break your relationship for good. Keep communication lines open and respect what each one has to say.

Intimacy is an ingredient in marriage that should not be taken for granted. After all, you are married to a person you love and are meant to share your whole life with so you have to let go of your inhibitions. Intimacy is one way of getting closer.

Accept the flaws of your spouse. No one is perfect so you have to appreciate the bad traits that come along with your spouse. Often, people are clouded by the negative perceptions they have towards others and this is not healthy especially for marriage. It may sound too cliché but yes, there is good in everyone and you should learn to weight that.

Make sure to choose your battles wisely. If you are going to pick an argument at something, make sure that it really matters and is worth the time, tension, negativity and… yelling. Unfortunately, unresolved arguments are a big issue in marriages that lead to divorce. Therefore, unless the issue is significant, learn to shake it off. You wouldn’t want to let the small, insignificant issues make you lose your spouse forever.

Never take your spouse for granted. Life is too precious and the traits, attitudes and talents that come along with people should be appreciated.

Go on dates. Yes, dates. Like how you got to know each other; having dinners at restaurants, even a short morning walk, short trips abroad, watch a movie or Broadway musical. Always have time not only for your family but also alone with your husband or wife.

Finally, be a forgiving and compassionate husband or wife. You will be faced with tough times and you have a choice of scarring your marriage with those problems or forgive them for their mistakes. You cannot say that marriage has no room for mistakes because problems are a test of how strong your marriage is. If resolution is found, swallow your pride and forgive your spouse. Let the new day be another beginning.

Reference: http://marriage.families.com/blog/tentipsforahappymarriage

Divorce Stories: Your Life, Your Choice Part II

Here is part 2 of Fran Watson's divorce story.

• • •

He wanted kids, lots of them he said, but when I was pregnant with child number 2 he said, "I'm not sure if I want this baby." I spent the rest of my pregnancy in a neck brace unable to lift the vacuum without pain. Little did I know he was already in the midst of an affair. His first? I never knew or asked, but his next one started around the same time and lasted until my next pregnancy 4 years later. Oh yes, I knew something was wrong, but I thought it was the business, his retail office supply and furniture store. I didn't understand why he would be mad at me when I waited up for him on Tuesday nights when he was always late getting back from out of town. I didn't realize that was the night he was spending with his mistress.

Little things. I confess, I did them to. If I was mad at him I wouldn't buy the special food or drinks he liked to have on hand, or clean the house the way he liked it. But we never talked about it. We just carried on doing things the way we always had. Heading for destruction without knowing that was the road we were on. Or at least I didn't. I naively assumed that "for better or worse til death do us part" was a vow we both meant. I know better now.

We separated 3 or 4 times once I found out about his girlfriend of 4 years, when I was 3 months pregnant, and I raised the 3 kids on my own for the most part.

One of the times we had got back together resulted in another pregnancy. I knew the moment my son was conceived. My husband seemed excited about this pregnancy and I thought things might work out, but here I was 3 years later sobbing at my kitchen table as he packed a few things and walked out the door for the last time!

I now really needed my growing strength and independence and I determined to give my children the best that I could. I knew I would have to work hard, but I didn't want them to suffer any losses. We remained in our small home while he went on to buy a larger one. That rankled, but I let it pass. I had my children, that was more important.

I spent years at the hockey rinks as 3 out of 4 children played hockey, 2 boys, 1 girl, and the other daughter skated.

I attended gigs as my sons played in various bands. I attended plays and musicals where they had major and minor roles.

I helped with homework. I begged, pleaded, scolded, disciplined, threatened and loved my kids. I knew that too soon they would be gone.

The years have passed and my children have left home. I have begun a certificate program in Teaching Adults. I look ahead to the future and make plans for me. I can read that pile of books I have on hand, sew those quilts, take dance lessons, go to movies, whatever I want.

The choice is mine, as it has always been. I choose to live, to explore, to dream -- with enthusiasm!

• • •

We all know that in life, not everyone has it excellently going for them. Facing struggles and issues are inevitable; some may experience it everyday in little doses while some have it harder by having the good life all along and then suddenly... Boom! It's like all happiness is taken away from them and they are faced with years of hardships. Big or small, these are tests of life that people around us are waiting to see if we will be swallowed whole by it, or conquer it. Divorce is just one of those whales of problems waiting to swallow us up, but you are a strong person just like Fran Watson who stood up for her herself and took charge of life's problems, there is always a detour available to a new, happy life out of broken, dark roads.

Voices Part IV: Winner's Opinion

Perhaps one opinion of a prominent figure in the Philippines that should not be neglected is Manny Pacquiao's. Not only because heis the #1 boxer in the world that the Philippines takes pride of, but also because he is an elected Philippine President of the Sarangani province.

Manny Pacquiao has voiced out what he has to say about the negotiation in the Congress of the divorce bill. He took a conservative stand against the divorce bill and on Malta's action to legalizing divorce as per what the people wanted. He said, “Ay, di ako agree diyan sa divorce. Hindi maganda 'yan,” in a taped interview for “Startalk TX” aired on June 11, 2011. Just like how he expressed his disapproval for the Reproductive Health Bill, the Saranggani Representative used the Bible to support his anti-divorce stance, “Nasa Bibliya na bawal iluwa 'yung nasubo mo na.” He added, “napakalaking kasalanan din yang divorce.” The boxing world champion further supported the opinions and beliefs he strongly believe in, stressing, “Kapag ipinasa natin yang divorce bill, parang tinuturuan natin yung mga tao na 'maghiwalay na kayo,' ganyan. Samantalang pwede pa namang pag-usapan yun na ibalik sa dati, ganon.” I understand Pacquiao's opinion because I am coming from the same anti-divorce stance, but then again it is arguable that divorce is not something that directly says, “newly married couples, separate!” To spouses that cannot reconcile their differences and issues anymore, divorce could be their only solution. The former statement could also imply then that the available legal ways to separate provided by the Philippine Constitution like annulment also promotes, “couples, separate!” After this thought, I read that Pacquiao said this is why people should not rush into marriage and instead think very hard about it before marrying anyone.

Finally Pacquiao advised, “Kayo ay ikinasal. Hindi tayo sumumpa sa harap ng tao, sa harapan ng pari lang, kundi sumumpa ka sa harapan ng Panginoon.”

People usually do not take the boxer's opinions very seriously. Filipinos just laugh off what he has to say and find humor in it. After all, people think he only attained his political position because of his world boxing popularity. But I think this stance of his on divorce is one that Filipinos should acknowledge and give him the credibility that he is due.

Sources:
http://ph.news.yahoo.com/pacquiao-says-no-divorce-bill-102522331.html
http://www.mb.com.ph/articles/322483/manny-pacquiao-slams-divorce-bill
http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/regions/05/30/11/pacquiao-says-no-divorce-bill

Divorce Stories: Your Life, Your Choice

Here is a 2-part inspiring story of Fran Watson, a career and employment counselor or coach. Her life during a marriage she was not happy in and what pulled the final string.

• • •

The pain in my chest was so intense I wondered if I would survive. It seemed like my heart was puffing up, expanding at a tremendous rate and I thought it would explode right through my chest. It was almost unbearable. The tears fell in torrents as I gasped for breath.

My marriage had ended.

I had asked him to leave. I finally tired of his affairs and knew I could make it on my own. But the hurt and raw emotion of the past 20 years seethed through my body threatening to burst through its very cells. It felt like his leaving wrenched the heart right out of my body leaving me nothing but pain and emptiness.

Looking back, with the wisdom gained over the past 15 years, I can see the little warning signs, like when he got into the front seat of the Volkswagen with the best man after putting men in the back as we left our wedding reception on our way to our honeymoon.

And when we were married only 4 months and were living in a motel room for 3 months while we looked for an apartment, he was doing tax returns and coming back late at night. I usually asked one of the cable installers for a drive, but he never thought to check if I had a ride home. One night in the dead of winter, I didn't. Back then we couldn't wear pants to work and the skirts were short. It was about 10 miles from work to the motel and I had no money, so I started walking. I walked til I was blue with cold and stopped into a garage to get warm. I asked them how far 50 cents might get me in a taxi and told them where I was staying at the motel.
We never really learned to communicate with each other. We were so young. I was just 18, fresh out of high school.

My dad was a quiet man. He never discussed his feelings, nor did my mother, so I accepted my husband's not talking to me about things as normal. He on the other hand had listened to his mother, "go on and on while my dad listened and said, uh huh every now and then." So he learned that nothing I said needed to be paid attention to.

Where were all those marriage courses that might have shown us the error of our ways? Why didn't I trust my intuition and go for help that first year after I saw the doctor who told me I was much too young to take pills for my nerves?

What his actions did was to build more strength and independence in me. That's what he said he wanted before we were married. He didn't want someone like his mom who was always sick and overly dependent on his dad, but when I look at the women he was with over the years, that's exactly what he chose. His current wife has been suffering form various ailments over the 30 years that I've known her.

Source: http://www.franwatson.ca/stories.html

Tips For The New Life

After going through a divorce, people would usually ‘find themselves’ again, experiencing life alone, learning the ropes of being single again after months or years of dependence on a spouse. Others take the extra mile of reviving who they really are after a marriage struggle by going on vacation trips abroad. And then there are those who want to get back on the dating scene again. After all, isn’t that one of the ‘greatest’ perks of divorce? You are no longer married, you are not committing bigamy in the eyes of law anymore, so why not search for a new person to share yourself with? But before that, here are some tips to consider before diving into the future that could majorly change your life (again).

Take time to get into another relationship. Particularly if you have had trust issues with your ex-spouse, taking your time before jumping into a new "committed" relationship is a good idea. Some experts suggest introducing your new date to friends and family to check out the "fit." Some suggest waiting a period of time before committing to a physical relationship. Whatever you decide, trust your gut instincts on the person's trustworthiness before moving forward with a more permanent relationship.

Be careful online. It's commonplace to meet dates online. In fact, some experts consider it much easier than past singles venues. If you decide to go the online route, make certain you are cautious at first with details about your life, meet your potential dates in high-traffic areas for coffee or lunch before inviting someone into your home. While many people do find their soulmates online, it's still good to be careful as you introduce new people into your life.

Consider therapy before remarriage.
Statistics show that many second marriages end in divorce as well. So as you prepare before your wedding, make certain you understand the commitment you are making. A marriage therapist can help you and your new partner make the most of your relationship by helping you unload your baggage from the past with new communication or relationship techniques to help make this time around better for both of you. If you cannot afford amarriage counselor, some government agencies offer low-cost alternatives. And some churches often have their own version of religious pre-marital counseling, which can help.

Know what you're getting into with children. If your new spouse has children and so do you, having his and hers in the house – with the potential of an “ours” someday – can be chaotic and make for a difficult adjustment period. “The Brady Bunch” is just a TV show. No matter whose they are, children are a life-time responsibility. And stepparenting in the real world requires communication, patience and love. Consider research on stepparenting, support groups or other ways to connect with your new family.

Know your finances and know your new parter's finances also. If you’re both spenders, you may want to discuss this and get some financial counseling and set some rules for the relationship before you move in together. If this was a problem in your previous relationship, don’t let it be a problem again. It may not sound romantic, but it’s realistic. Putting together a financial budget, making certain you can support your lifestyle together and figuring out who commits what to its financial health will give you both peace of mind as you move into your future together.

Consider a prenuptual agreement. If you didn’t sign a prenuptial agreement in your previous relationship, perhaps this time you’ll think about this financial option. This is particularly important if you have accumulated financial assets – a home, business, 401K or other investments – before your marriage. This protects both of you, should the relationship ever founder. You can find legal paperwork on the Internet, but an attorney is a better alternative if you have the money to obtain one.

Know -- and understand -- any prior financial commitments. Does your potential spouse pay child support or alimony or have to keep an insurance policy or arrange travel for children on the holidays or during the summer as part of a court-ordered decree? While you are not legally responsible for any of this if you marry, you are responsible for your own financial and mental wellbeing. Stress can accompany debt. And if he or she is already financially committed by the courts, you should consider whether long-term this is a relationship that you can live with, given you will likely carry the financial load if you marry – and if you decide to have children.

Sources:
http://www.divorce360.com/divorce-articles/after-divorce/love/moving-on-checklist-steps-to-consider-after-divorce.aspx?artid=359
http://www.divorce360.com/divorce-articles/after-divorce/love/moving-on-checklist-steps-to-consider-after-divorce.aspx?artid=359&page=2

Family Businesses and Divorce

In my last post, I gathered information about the surprising, not commonly mentioned connection of the toll divorce could take on our endangered environment today. Now, I read an article by Bernardo Villegas talking about the connection of family and business stability. Here’s what it says.

“Divorce is not only a moral plague. It is a social and economic cancer to society.” Pretty strong words to flavor an introductory paragraph. But that is not all. The article goes on to say there is another sphere in society in which broken marriages can threaten the common good and that is the importance of family-controlled corporations in most European and Asian countries. What corporations? Well, we all know the Ayala Corporation is mostly run by the Zobel de Ayala’s, and there’s the Sy’s of SM Corporation. When Bernardo Villegas was a visiting professor at the IESE Business School, its experts told him that family breakups are jeopardizing the very future of some of the large corporations in Europe. Legal squabbles among the family owners and their in-laws can actually destroy industrial peace within a business corporation.

Villegas cited an August 2010 article from the Financial Times by Geoffrey Owen, giving him another reason why divorce should not be introduced into the Philippines. It may destabilize the economy by destroying industrial peace in many of family-controlled companies in the nation. As Owen wrote, “family-controlled corporations are still predominant in emerging markets like the Philippines.”

“Part of the rationale behind family-controlled business organizations is that they make up for missing or underdeveloped economic institutions. Where public capital markets are insignificant or even non-existent, business owners are forced to finance themselves internally and to invest surplus funds in other businesses they can control directly. The ease of decision-making in these key result areas of a family business can be easily derailed by messy legal suits usually associated with divorce litigation. Where the legal system is unreliable and trust in commercial relationships is lacking, owners can cut risk by placing family members in key positions. They can also develop an internal labor market. Groups let talented people move between businesses without relying on an external job market rife with fraudulent certifications. It is said that the best business school in such a country might well be the dinner table of a powerful business family.”

“There are more important reasons to object to legalizing divorce in the Philippines. The threat to business stability, however, can be added to the myriads of social, economic, and cultural harm that can come to our country if we allow valid marriage contracts to be broken. I hope that the President's objection to divorce will include the prohibition to remarry. It is in fact the introduction of strangers to the original family that can cause chaos in a family enterprise. “

Source: http://www.mb.com.ph/articles/277383/family-and-business-stability

Divorce and the Environment?

Who would have thought that divorce could turn out to be detrimental to the environment? We know that the our environment is not at its best state anymore despite more constant efforts now, compared to before, of alleviating the damage of air, noise and water pollution. I try my best to be an advocate of eco-friendliness and I have just found the right article to add another reason as to why I choose to contradict the divorce bill. Published on 2007, I chanced upon the article “Divorce turns out to be costly for the environment” and here is what it has to say.

Yet another function of modern life has been determined to be dangerous to the environment: divorce. Increasing rates of divorce have become rampant in many countries around the world, and each time a family dissolves, the result is two new households. An ecologist from Michigan State University in America named Jianguo Liu who analyzed the environmental impact of divorce said, “a married household actually uses resources efficiently than a divorced household.” Why and how so? It is because more households mean more use of land, water and energy—which are the three most critical resources in our planet today. The numbers of these resources are rapidly trickling down because of over-consumption from an over-populated world.

Liu, who researches the relationship of ecology with social sciences said people were initially surprised with his findings and then thought it was actually something very simple. “Households with fewer people are simply not as efficient as those with more people sharing.” In the United States for instance, Liu cited, it had 16.5 million households headed by a divorced person in 2005 and just over 60 million households headed by a married person. Per person, divorce households spent more per month for electricity compared to a married household as multiple can do household activities at the same time. According to Liu’s calculations, that meant about $6.9 billion in extra utility per year, $3.6 billion for water and cost for land.

However, Liu stressed that he is not condemning divorce. Indeed the findings show some contradiction in a way that people have been talking about how to protect the environment and combat climate change, but divorce is an overlooked factor, which is rarely considered. He knows some couples really need to get divorced but Liu said, “one way to be more environmentally friendly is to live with other people and that will reduce the impact..”

So are you ready to get divorced from your spouse but still live with them to become more eco-friendly? That most certainly is an absurd situation but then again, more than physical, financial and emotional damage, this article gives a fresh new insight on also considering the environmental factors of divorce.

Source: http://mb.com.ph/node/52624

Voices Part III

I stumbled upon Senator Alan Peter Cayetano’s opinion on divorce that was a year old in Manila Bulletin online. Nonetheless, it is still an opinion that deserves to be heard because of its timeliness in bringing back the divorce bill debate in the Philippines.

Senator Cayetano is against the passage of the divorce law. This is because he said it would only create damage even to problem-free marriages. The senator said, “I do not think divorce is a solution. Let us remedy marriage problems with the best remedy available.,” on an interview conducted last August 2010. He did not exactly say what that “best remedy” was but it is safe to assume that he was pertaining to the current, available legal options for problematic marriages to separate. In the Philippines, legal separation, annulment and dissolution of marriage is available in accordance to specific grounds that I have cited in one of my earlier blog posts.

Cayetano further said, “If you allow divorce, we are not only addressing the problematic marriage but even the non-problematic marriages will be affected.” The senator said that he was aware that there are prevalent cases of marriages in the Philippines wherein physical and emotional harm makes it impossible to restore the happiness couples and children long for. But he adds, “I’m afraid that if we allow divorce specially the kind of US-style no fault divorce, it might cause more harm than good.” Cayetano described that people with marital problems are a ‘minority’ group and so they can look for a solution through annulment. He suggested, “That can be addressed by strengthening annulment as a remedy to psychological incapacity.” The lawmaker’s sister, Senator Pia Cayetano is another one anti-divorce.

Here we have another figure saying that divorce is not a solution or a remedy to failed marriages. But I do appreciate Senator Cayetano's acknowledgement that marriages are imperfect; it is already prevalent in the society that many of it cannot be restored. Just like Senator Cayetano, I believe the Philippines should just make the best of what they have instead of spending a lot of time and money debating whether or not to pass the divorce bill.

Reference: http://www.mb.com.ph/articles/273468/cayetano-says-divorce-not-solution-marital-problems